Every year we start with these ideas that things will be different, that things will happen, and that things will change. What we don’t realize is that without forward movement, there will never be change. I know it’s 8 days into the year, but it’s already been a stress-filled year for me. My goal is to be less stressed this year, and to focus more on making my life the happiest it can be. No one can ever be drama-free, but I am certainly going to try!
I’ve been thinking about my New Year’s resolutions since before the New Year even arrived, and it was difficult to pinpoint exactly what it was/is that I want to do this year to make it different than the last. I have been reflecting on the events of the past year that have influenced me in such drastic ways, and have experienced an overwhelming amount and range of emotions. I realize that everything that happens around me, to me, for me, or by me changes who I am and the direction I am going, even if it’s only on a miniscule level.
I talked about running a marathon after 3 years of running races. This was the race I never fathomed doing, ever. I discussed running it 2 years later, and a good running friend prompted me to consider running it sooner. Then I really got to thinking about the marathon, and my mindset about things in my life. Why should I wait? Why shouldn’t I do it this year? Why should I push it so far off that it may not even eventually happen? I shouldn’t. That was the answer I came to. I shouldn’t put my dreams on hold just because I’m a little unsure of how things are going to turn out. I shouldn’t run away from them (figuratively or literally) because I am fearful. I should embrace them and chase them! BOTH literally and figuratively.
It’s not like this is a new epiphany. It’s an old one for me. Sad, but true, my motivation has turned into simply someone telling me I can’t do it, and me proving them wrong. I think this can be selfish motivation, but motivation nonetheless. This year, 2012, I want it to be more than that. I want it to be more than running in remembrance of those I’ve loved and lost to disease, illness, and broken hearts. I want to run for me. Yes, it’s selfish, but not entirely. See, I have become an “auntie,” and it’s really made me consider that if I don’t take care of me, I won’t have a long life to share with this sweet little girl. I won’t be able to be a role model in her life, or teach her how the small things are worthwhile. Then I consider my own “child,” Murphy, and how he relies on me 100%, and without me, he could not survive. So, I need to keep my health in check, my mind in check, and my heart on the optimistic side of life so that I can be there for those that need me.
Every time I reconsider this epiphany, I think of Nelson Mandela’s inaugural speech. I think of how his words ring true….
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us…”
With this resonating through my mind, I consider the new year again. I choose to be healthy, to be happy, and to pursue my dreams with such determination and strength that I will have to add to my bucket list sooner than later. This year, I will run an ultramarathon, and that will only be one of many goals achieved this year. Here’s to a sparkling new year!