Today, I definitely felt like I was playing frogger with the traffic as I navigated my way from my home to the beach and back. Yes, I did say that I ran all the way to the beach and back (for a total of 8.88 miles in 1:34:14). I have had a tremendous amount of stress in my life lately, in every aspect, and I needed a way to clear my head. So, I ran to the beach, sucked in some saltwater air, ran the boardwalk for a little over a mile, and came home. I am thankful for “mental health” days at work… it’s been such a horrible week that it’s affecting my eating, sleeping, running, and overall well-being.
As much as I needed this run, my body was not rested nor fueled appropriately for it. In the past 3 days, I’ve consumed the amount of food I usually put down over lunch at school in ONE day because I know I need the fuel for the run that night. My stomach and nerves simply are not tolerating any sustenance, and I am sure the glass of chocolate milk and the trail mix I’m trying to eat will either come back up or go the other way shortly. Life gives us so many speedbumps and roadblocks… and I am trying my best to handle those that are in my path now…. but I honestly don’t know how else to deal. When I am supposed to be getting stronger for my ultra, that is now two weeks away, I feel like I am my weakest, and at the bottom of this hole that I cannot dig my way out of. My hill workout last night suffered as well. Surprisingly, I didn’t manage to purge any food yesterday or today until after the run. This has not been the norm lately, as it usually catches me off guard, mid-stride. And no, I know you are all secretly thinking, maybe she’s pregnant. Definitely not. This is solid nerves and stress.
My running is my outlet, and my body is failing me. It’s not letting me rest, nor consume food for fuel, nor work as hard as I need it to to get through the remaining training for my ultra. My calves and right ball of my foot are tight, and no matter how much I soak, massage, ice, and rest, they are not letting go. I’m hoping this too will pass.
As I was playing frogger today, I was really hoping that I wouldn’t get hit by a car. I believe kharma has been on my side lately, but that nagging feeling of doubt is a close second behind it. This funk is really wearing on me.. I just wish for all to be right with the world again instead of dealing with a trifecta of events that only are continuing to cause me stress… and no, I choose to not walk away, as I need to deal with each. Stay strong, be fierce. Run strong will become my mantra again soon enough… 15 days til the ultra.