Kryptonite has attacked again, and I have been off the beaten path, sitting on my rear in my home, with a bad mood that I just can’t shake for more than 2 weeks now. Being sick never fares well with me. I don’t like to sit still and do nothing. I don’t like to “rest.” I’m not big on tomato or chicken noodle soup. Blowing my nose and coughing excessively are nuisances I could do without. Not being able to breathe with my nose is more than an inconvenience. Not having a voice due to all aforementioned symptoms only adds to my frustration. And the kicker, not being allowed to run because of said illness wreaks havoc on my mind, body, and soul because it’s my stress reliever. Hence, said bad mood has been around for way too long.
Not running is not an option.
This is my opinion. MINE. And I am sticking to it. I am miserable without being able to run. M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E. Running gives me the freedom to push myself beyond the limits I thought I had. It gives me the opportunity to set and achieve new goals constantly. It allows the stress I have from every day life to melt away. It gives me the time I need to mentally purge all the “junk” floating around in my head. Without it, even if it’s only a few days a week, I am moody and irritable, and don’t have tolerance or patience for a whole lot. I know this. I do know this. Therefore, not running is NOT an option.
Am I feeling better? Slightly. Do I still have junk in my sinuses and lungs? Yep. Is it irritating as all get out? You better believe it. Did I go for a run today after “resting” for 2 weeks? You better flipping believe it. I couldn’t stand it anymore. The things I can usually tolerate or ignore were getting under my skin. I felt crummy and my mood was only making things worse. All I wanted was an outlet. And running wasn’t allowed. Today, I said,”Damn this illness, I am running whether you like it or not!”
And I did. I ran 10 miles today. I ran the first 5 in 57 minutes. I ran the last 5 in 48 minutes. I averaged a 10:35 pace overall. Did I feel slow? Yes. Do I care? No. I just came off a 2 week, unplanned, unwanted hiatus from running, and I was and still am ill. I don’t expect to be fast right now. I just needed to breathe. To run freely without inhibition, and get out all the junk floating around in my head. I needed to be undisturbed about other people’s personal lives, and deal with my own stuff for once. I needed to take care of me. Just me.
I purged a lot of mental ‘junk’ today. I splashed through mud puddles, I waded through areas where the mud made me sink and grabbed onto my pants. I got slapped in the face by nearby branches. I soaked in the sunshine that kissed my face. I struggled to breathe when I started running. I was trying too hard to be at my normal pace. I slowed down to a pace that I could control my breathing. I spat out a lot of junk. A LOT. By the time I was nearing the end of the ten miles, it was if my sinuses had decided to give me a break and let me fully take in a breath of air through both nostrils. My legs seemed to know that today was no short run kinda day. They just went with it and only protested at the end of the 10 miles with a little tightness in the calves. I finally feel like I can breathe again. Like the world is tolerable once more. My mood is not completely gone, but much better than it was. I am thankful to Frank for keeping me company today and just letting me talk. It’s days like these where as much as I hate being the center of attention, I still need to be heard.
Running is my addiction. Running is my stress relief. I run not to add days to my life, but to add life to my days. Not running is NOT an option.
Live. Love. Run.