Life certainly has thrown me some twists and turns lately. Hello homeownership and all that comes with it…. thank goodness for the bf and friends and family who know how to fix things… water leaks, a broken washing machine, a fence that fell down, a broken garbage disposal…. please, oh please, let this be it for a while…. my emergency fund has been swallowed whole this summer.
On the flip side of things, I have truly brainstormed aloud with a lot of close friends, family members, and individuals within the running community whom I highly respect, and have found my focus. For the longest time, I have had tunnel vision about running marathons. I wanted Boston. I wanted to qualify without raising money for a charity. I wanted to run fast enough, far enough, and long enough to prove myself. But to whom? Most of you who know me well, know that my mom passed away when I was 12. 12 is that crucial pre-teen age where “the sky is falling,” yet everything is great the next minute… I feel like it’s the moment that a pre-teen is really starting to see life for what it is. Some are still naive at that age; surely, I was, but I was also wise beyond my years in other respects. With losing my mom so young, and being tossed into a whirlwind situation that hurts WAY too much to talk about, my brain and my body turned to the flight or fight mode. If I couldn’t fight my way through something, I would take flight… I would RUN.
Typing these words are far from easy… I feel like the “whom” that I have constantly been proving myself to has been my mom. My hope is she is watching from above, and is proud of the person I have become. My fear is that I am not all she ever dreamed of. The reality is that I could live in this middle ground, living in fear of the unknown, or I can take hold of my life as much as fate will let me, and fight. I have proven TEN times that I am capable of running a marathon. TEN. I am very capable of running the distance. I can put in the hard work that training requires to successfully complete the distance. I have the endurance, I have the mindset, and I have the heart to do it. Do I need to keep proving myself time and time again? NO. No, I don’t.
Here comes my new focus and my new adventures. Life is WAY too short. The closer I get to the age that my mother was when she passed away, the more I fear what I may miss out on if I don’t surpass that number. I try to squash that fear whenever it comes up. It’s hard to not think about it, but it does fuel my desire to keep chasing goals and to mark off items on my bucket list. My new focus is short distance. I have been a short distance runner my ENTIRE life. To my marathon friends, this may be new news. They know me as a multiple marathoner; as someone who just keeps busting out these 26.2 mile races. But in reality, I am a sprinter. I LOVE the ladders on the track. I love the thrill of a race where you can see the finish line from the start line. I love the idea that I can run 10x or more the distance as a warm-up for a short distance event. I love that feeling of victory when I cross the finish line, knowing that I left ALL I had on the asphalt. My focus is short distance, efficiency, and SPEED. Did I mention how much I love to run fast? Just typing this is making me grin like a Cheshire cat from ear to ear. I am ready!
My new adventures include these shorter distances, a different kind of training, and the willingness to travel when I can to see friends, family, and new places. I have also started a new adventure with this cute and sassy company called Perfectly Posh. That in itself has been exciting for me! Send me a note if you are curious about that one, and I will share more!
So right here, right now, instead of asking “Why?,” I am asking “Why not?,” and taking life one sweet second at a time.